Making Friends Abroad

Making friends as an adult is tough. Doing it abroad can be even harder. But there are plenty of connections to be found, if you know where to look.

Don't overlook the importance of social connections when you're planning a move abroad. Even if you're moving with a partner or your family, building a local community is essential to settling into your new home. If that sounds intimidating, you're not alone. Building a new social network from scratch takes work.

How do I meet friends after moving abroad?

If you're in a metropolitan area, chances are good that your local city has resources for international residents living abroad. Facebook and Meetup are good first stops to seek out events where others are also looking for friends and connections.

When I first moved to Valencia, I joined an international group called Girl Gone International (which, despite its name has members of all ages, from 20s to 60s and beyond). It's a volunteer-run organization of women and nonbinary folks from around the world, and offers a ton of free and low-cost events every month. GGI was a great way to meet people who are still friends today, and I've remained active there. For mixed gender events, groups like InterNations or TimeLeft can help you connect with potential new friends.

Language exchanges can be a good way to meet a mix of locals and international residents while also building valuable conversation skills. In larger cities, it can be worth checking out a few different exchanges. Some may be oriented towards young students who are just passing through, others may be geared towards adults who are more settled.

Finally, signing up for classes related to your own interests can be a good place to meet new people who you already have something in common with. It can also be a nice way to get out of the English-speaking bubble international folks often find themselves stuck in. For me, painting classes were a valuable way to do something I enjoy while also making friends (and getting to learn some new Spanish art vocabulary as a bonus).

Why am I meeting people but still having trouble making friends?

Even if you're crossing paths with some great potential friends, it doesn't always turn into a lasting connection. Turning a pleasant meeting into a new friend takes effort and maybe even a little vulnerability.

As an adult, playing it cool does not translate into making genuine connections. If you want to make friends, you have to actually make that clear. Invite someone for coffee or a drink. Tell them you're new to the area and looking to make new friends. (Or tell them you've been living here a while, but still haven't found your community. It's more common than you think.) Ask for people's phone number and actually follow up. Don't just sit around and wait for friend groups to scoop you up; you need to be willing to take the first step, and sometimes the second too.

I'm trying, but I'm still struggling.

Building your social network from scratch takes longer than a lot of people expect. You're not alone. I've talked to so many (lovely! likeable!) people in the same boat.

If you're struggling to make friends despite your best efforts, see if you can get clear about what the specific barriers are. Is your local community remote or isolated? Are you introverted or shy, or is communication difficult for you? Do you tend to assume people won't like you or want to hang out?

Coaching can be a safe place work through the barriers to building a community in your chosen city. We can problem solve ways to approach external challenges, and address the internal barriers getting in the way.

No matter your age or your reason for moving, we all deserve a community where we feel cared for and valued in our new home!